Steward Of Friendship

Christian Conduct, Stewardship

Earlier this year, one of my friendships turned sour and we parted company on bad terms. In the aftermath, I couldn’t stop thinking about what I could have done to preserve the friendship. Her ‘concluding remarks’ were rather disconcerting because despite repeated clarification of my intentions, she had grossly misconstrued my actions. If you were to ask her to summarise our friendship, I’m sure she’d have positive things to say; however, the negative aspects are a reminder that I wasn’t the best steward that I could have been.



“You gave me some people from the world. I have shown them what you are like. They belonged to you, and you gave them to me. They have obeyed your teaching. Now they know that everything I have came from you.” (John 17:6-7, ERV)

In Context

Most people are familiar with the concept of stewardship as it pertains to money; however, I think that limits the scope of stewardship. Psalm 24:1 highlights that everything belongs to God – including people. Therefore, if God chooses to ‘give us’ people (by way of acquaintances, friendships, and romantic relationships) it is our duty as stewards to take care of those relationships.

In John 17, Jesus is in the midst of a long and heartfelt prayer wherein he prays for Himself, the disciples, and all believers. The verses above are taken from the beginning portion of His prayer for the disciples. His summary of their relationship is both interesting and noteworthy:

  1. He was given (or entrusted with) 12 disciples.
  2. He showed them God’s character.
  3. They obeyed God’s teaching.
  4. He left them with an important takeaway.

A good steward is the agent of transformational friendships.

Jesus was aware that ‘His’ disciples didn’t belong to Him. He also recognised that He had a specific responsibility in His capacity as a steward: to share God’s character. Of course, this was no ordinary friendship as He had to prepare them to continue spreading the gospel in His absence. However, it is my assertion that He had this level of intentionality in all His friendships. Put simply, it was His goal to ensure that others were transformed through His friendship.



Transformational Friendships

“Now they know” didn’t happen by accident. From the outset Jesus intended His friendship with the disciples to be impactful. In fact, His conduct lends insight into what it means to ‘sharpen’ a friend (Proverbs 27:17); His disciples were genuinely better off (in terms of character) as a result of their friendship. In contrast, I think many people have too low a standard of what constitutes friendship, and that translates into what they are willing to give and accept. Your role as a friend is more than just liking your friend’s social media posts, sharing their YouTube channel, and posting questionable pictures for their obligatory birthday post.

True friendship demands that you go on a journey of mutual growth.

It’s unfortunate that in the spirit of not wanting to judge, you can become quick to condone things that are wrong because “that’s what works for them.” Yes, the disciples obeyed God’s teaching; however, Jesus understood that irrespective of their response, His role was to show them God’s character. Therefore, if you’re the kind of person that wants to avoid the confrontation that may arise from challenging negative behaviours, then you are failing as a steward of your friendship. Rebuke must be shared in love, but it would be unloving not to say anything at all.



Applied

A good steward doesn’t just do the bare minimum of their job description. They take care of a particular item/person/thing as their master would (i.e. as if it were their own). When I came across John 17:6-7, I remember wondering who ‘my people’ were. Whilst I don’t have disciples, I do have different groups of friends who all came into (and stayed) in my life for a reason. The Bible repeatedly mentions that we should strive to be like Jesus, and that includes taking care of ‘our people’ as He would if He were in our shoes.

1. Take stock of your current friendships

  • Depth (Proverbs 17:17) – a healthy friendship always grows deeper. If you’re growing apart, or have reached a plateau, it’s worth examining why. Are unfruitful characteristics like pride/stubbornness/fear (on your part or theirs) hindering depth?
  • Breadth (Matthew 11:19b) – Jesus shocked people by befriending non-Jews. Perhaps there are potential friendships you reject or restrict because they don’t fit your usual ‘type.’ In my case, the vast majority of my friends are Christians. As much as I love my current circle,  I believe it’s also important to branch out.  Are all your friends very similar?

2. Broaden your view of sharing God

Once upon a time, I thought that sharing God only included handing out religious material. The written ‘Word’/’Truth’ (however you wish to refer to Bible teachings) is just one method of sharing God’s character. If Jesus had only told His disciples about God, but neglected meeting their needs, then they would have had an incomplete view of God. Words are definitely necessary, but they should never be a substitute for actions.

3. Don’t neglect rebuke

Most people are comfortable giving or receiving compliments; however, it can be much more difficult to give or receive criticism. Therefore, it is important to pray prior to sharing what you believe is constructive criticism (intended to sharpen your friend). Your prayer should include: a) checking your heart is in the right place, and b) asking the Holy Spirit to prepare the heart of the recipient for what that they need to hear.



So…

By virtue of you having one or more friends, you are by default a steward of those friendships. Those people came into your life for a reason, and you have a specific responsibility towards them: sharing God’s character. Your aim should be to love and care for them in such a way that even if you were to part company, they would be grateful for what they ‘now know.’

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