Pornography

I wrote Masturbation almost 3 years ago, but it’s only recently occurred to me to write about its partner-in-crime: pornography. Whilst I started masturbating way before I knew pornography existed, as soon as I found out about the latter it became a frequent accompaniment. In the West, unrestricted explicit content was at my fingertips; however, I’m grateful that in Indonesia, the ban on pornographic sites facilitated the demise of both sexual sins.

“How then can I do this great wickedness, and sin against God?” (Genesis 39:9b)

In Context

Joseph’s response to Potiphar’s wife’s advances is indicative of an extremely close relationship with God. There are many futile, but temporarily functional reasons that Joseph could have used to prevent himself from committing adultery:

• Respect for Potiphar – what happens if she tempts him when he and Potiphar are on bad terms?
• Job satisfaction – what happens when it’s no longer enjoyable?
• Lack of attraction – what if she grows on him?

Although the points above aren’t exhaustive, it’s easy to see that they aren’t enduring. On the other hand, a solid relationship with God allows you to refrain from sin because you’re aware of the impact it has on someone whom you love dearly. Moreover, as your trust grows you begin to appreciate that Victory Over Sin is possible.

In a superficial or lukewarm relationship, it’s a question of when, not if, you’ll succumb to sin again.

Before

Over the years, I’ve tried various things to nip this habit in the bud. A couple of things that come to mind are:

1. Cold turkey – on numerous occasions I told myself that I was simply going to stop. I decided to avoid programmes with sexual content and block pornographic sites on my phone. But it wasn’t long before I’d switch the settings on my phone back, or simply access pornography through a different medium e.g. audio/written.
2. Accountability partner – other than one particular romantic partner, my struggle with pornography wasn’t something I disclosed to anyone else for a very long time. When I did eventually build up the courage to seek an accountability partner (around 6/7 years in), I remember feeling too shy to actually be honest with them. Talk about a wasted opportunity!
3. Fortify (app) – the cool thing about this app is that it helps you keep track of certain triggers e.g. time of day/emotions etc. There was an update a while ago, and I think extra features were added like counselling and support groups. Unfortunately, I didn’t really engage with this method either. Why use technology in a positive way when I’d become so accustomed to abusing it?
4. Pep talks – I typically tried to claim Bible texts halfheartedly. Did I really believe I could do all things through Christ? Did I really trust that I could be a ‘new creature’? Not really.
5. Rationalising – there are definitely zero pros for pornography, but somehow I would dismiss all of the cons; thus, it became a victimless crime. I knew that pornography would taint all aspects of intimacy with my future husband (expectations, experience and enjoyment), but it was a risk I was willing to take.
6. Prayer – although these points aren’t listed in any particular order, this was definitely at the bottom of the pile. I routinely prayed without expecting actual change, and sometimes even took comfort in the fact God’s forgiveness is unlimited. Viewing it one more time wouldn’t hurt… surely?

I finally stopped because my ‘why’ was robust.

After

My problem wasn’t a lack of understanding of the biblical standpoint on pornography, or an awareness of practical ways to tackle it. I even had a folder of self-control verses in my Bible Memory app to keep me focused. My problem was that I didn’t have an anchor from which all of these practices could hang. My ‘why’ for trying to let go of pornography fluctuated, but the main reason was that I knew it was sinful and inconsistent with a Christian character. Good reasons, right? My approach to handling the situation was all wrong. I viewed it as MY problem and I would with deal it… it’s like I’d never heard of Ephesians 2:8!

It’s not that I didn’t allow God to be part of the process, it’s more that I limited His influence. It was easier to assume that pornography would continue to be the thorn in my flesh (not matter how much I did), than to see if HE could do anything. The tools listed above have no longevity on their own. I stopped for weeks and months at a time whilst using them, but I always felt like it was temporary. It wasn’t until I stopped viewing the God of the Bible as impersonal that things changed.

My ‘old thinking’ interpreted ‘flee from sexual immorality’ (1 Corinthians 6:18) as a command given by God to His people. In contrast, my ‘new thinking’ interpreted this as a loving warning from a concerned Father to His daughter.

I wish I had something more concrete than ‘get closer to God’ to attribute to my victory, but honestly the revelation in Because My Father Said So… is as simple as it gets.

I chose, and continue, to say ‘no’ because He is my Father.

Applied

What worked for me isn’t prescriptive, but it might be useful:

1. Reflecting on my reasons for pornography and masturbation – I was surprised by what I journaled when I took the time to really reflect!
2. Committing to seeking God (instead of pornography) for the reasons in point 1 – of course if you write something like ‘substitute for sex’ then God can’t physically give that to you. However, since you desire to have sex  you ought to be married (1 Corinthians 7:9). Thus, what you should actually seek is preparedness for marriage – not a quick fix for sexual desire.
3. Believing that victory over sin is real – I foolishly assumed that my track record proved otherwise, but my Father is literally working a miracle in my life! It’s also been majorly important to remind myself that temptation is not sin.
4. Making God personal – viewing God as my Father changed my relationship with Him (especially after studying about His ‘fatherly’ qualities). In addition, it’s allowed me to see what He says (both promises and commands) in a different light.
5. Not trusting in my abilities – the points in ‘Before’ are useless without God, and especially if you’re not serious about using them properly. In a few months time, I’ll be free to view pornographic content again, if I choose. My resistance rests solely in my Father’s sufficiency, as opposed to my strategies or willpower.

So…

If pornography is something you struggle with, I have been, and could be, in your shoes (1 Corinthians 9:27 keeps me grounded). I firmly believe that the main thing that separates us is how we relate to God. Make Him truly personal and I can almost guarantee things will change. As always, feel free to reach out to me about this (or anything else) through the Contact page.