Darling, Don’t Acquiesce!

Darling, Don't Acquiesce!

Relationship

To accept something reluctantly but without protest, or in other words, to acquiesce, is perhaps more dangerous than we perceive at face value. The focus of this particular post is about how erroneous your judgement to ‘give in’ or ‘turn a blind eye’ (to something you know you shouldn’t do) can be. Love ceases to be love when it uses unloving methods to justify a loving intent.



Acquiescence in Action

In Genesis 11:30 we are told that Sarah was barren; however, in Genesis 15:4 God promises an heir. Rather than waiting for God to fulfil His promise, Abraham listens to his wife’s suggestion in Genesis 16:2: “so Sarai said to Abram, “See now, the Lord has restrained me from bearing childrenPlease, go in to my maid; perhaps I shall obtain children by her.” And Abram heeded the voice of Sarai.” The fundamental issue here is Abraham’s inability to wait on God to fulfil His promise in His own time. Perhaps he thought he was helping God out and speeding up the process, but God had a different plan (Genesis 17:15-19). Likewise, Rachel was also barren (Genesis 29:31) so she offered her maid Bilhah to her husband Jacob (Genesis 30:1-4). Verse 4 is particularly noteworthy: “then she gave him Bilhah her maid as wife, and Jacob went in to her.” Although for many women their desire to have children is great, that does not necessitate a ‘by any means possible’ approach.

Both Abraham and Jacob acquiesced to the wants (not needs) of their wives – to their detriment.



Patience in Action

In contrast, Isaac and Hannah set the precedent for how this issue could (and should) have been handled:

“Now Isaac pleaded with the Lord for his wife, because she was barren; and the Lord granted his plea, and Rebekah his wife conceived.” (Genesis 25:21)

“….For he loved Hannah although the Lord had closed her womb…. Hannah conceived and bore a son, and called his name Samuel, saying ‘because I have asked for him from the Lord.” (1 Samuel 1:5, 20)

It would be naive to assume that Sarah and Rachel never prayed to have children. However, endurance is one of the characteristics of love, and even when your partner isn’t receiving the answer they want to hear from God, you are called to support them – not to acquiesce. In Abraham’s case, God always intended to give Him a son, perhaps that’s what makes His acquiescence worse; he already had the assurance. He just needed to trust. However, for Rachel, imagine how her relationship with Jacob could have been strengthened if they had pleaded to God together about her barrenness, rather than just offering Bilhah as a quick fix. The Bible says that Peninnah, Elkanah’s other wife, provoked Hannah (1 Samuel 1:6) but even so she endured and trusted God to provide her with a son.

Endurance stems from love; whereas, acquiescence is borne from seeking one’s own.



Love Opposes Acquiescence

“Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)

Put simply, true love is exhibited through a self-sacrificial nature. Verse 7 in particular is a part of the passage I had never focused on before so I looked at the Greek for the words: ‘bears’, ‘believes’, ‘hopes’ and ‘endures’.

  • Bears (stego) – endures patiently
  • Believes (pisteuo) – have faith in a person or thing
  • Hopes (elpizo) – expect, confide, trust
  • Endures (hupomeno) – to stay under, bear trials, have fortitude/persevere

The love you have for your significant other is also meant to endure patiently*, have faith, expect/trust/confide, and have the perseverance to bear trials*.

*Pretty much everything acquiescence is not…

When was the last time you felt coerced into doing something that you know is right? Most likely, never. There’s a reason you harbour a sense of guilt, or reluctance, when you give in to something you know is wrong: it’s sinful. Acquiescence is sinful. So if you’re saying ‘yes’ because you love your significant other and you want to make them happy, then acquiescence is not the way to do it. On the other hand, you could just be doing it because you’re tired of being nagged – that’s wrong too!



Love Covers (Not Encourages) Sin

“Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all sins.” (Proverbs 10:12)

The first time I heard someone mention this text, I thought it meant your love for someone allows you to forget their sins. But this understanding seemed flawed because sins shouldn’t just be forgotten, they should be forgiven. What qualifies love to ‘cover’ sin? How does love do this? As previously mentioned, 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 provides a detailed definition of what love entails. Although Shakespeare once said “a rose by any other name would smell as sweet”… I assure you that, love, by any other definition, would not be love (no matter how many excuses you make for your partner).

Kasah, the word for “cover” in Proverbs 10:12, is used in almost 150 verses in the Bible, and can also be translated as conceal (Genesis 37:26; Deuteronomy 13:8), or overwhelm (Psalm 55:5; 78:53). It would be wrong to say that a bee covered the car, however a car can cover a bee (I know, random example). As I read kasah in different verses I realised that the covering was somehow complete, or all encompassing e.g. the waters covered all the earth in the Flood (Exodus 7:19), the glory of God shrouded the mountain (Exodus 24:16); and the psalmist’s fear has dominated their emotions (Psalm 55:5). Therefore, I concluded that love has the capacity to engulf sin completely.

If both individuals in the relationship are (truly) loving then they will stifle sin’s ability (e.g. acquiescence) to abound in their relationship. In other words their love will overwhelm sin.



So…

If you really love your significant other, you won’t say ‘yes’ just to make them happy. You’ll say ‘yes’ because what they’re asking you do is right.



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